Monday, January 29, 2007

Twelve Commandments for Amateur Astronomers

  1. Thou shalt have no white light before thee, behind thee, or to the side of thee whilst sharing the night sky with thy fellow stargazers.
  2. Thou shalt not love thy telescope more than thy spouse or thy children; as much as, maybe, but not more.
  3. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's telescope, unless it exceeds in aperture or electronics twice that of thy wildest dreams.
  4. Thou shalt not read Astronomy or Sky & Telescope on company time, for thine employer makes it possible to continue thine astronomical hobby.
  5. Thou shalt have at least two telescopes so as to keep thy spouse interested when the same accompanies thee under the night sky or on eclipse expeditions to strange lands where exotic wild animals doth roam freely.
  6. Thou shalt not allow either thy sons or thy daughters to get married during the Holy Days of Starfest.
  7. Thou shalt not reveal to thy spouse the true cost of thy telescope collection; only the individual components and that shall be done with great infrequency.
  8. Thou shalt not buy thy spouse any lenses, filters, dew shields, maps, charts, or any other necessities for holidays, anniversaries, or birthdays unless thy spouse needs them for their own telescope.
  9. Thou shalt not deceive thy spouse into thinking that ye are taking them for a romantic Saturday night drive when indeed thou art heading for a dark sky site.
  10. Thou shalt not store thy telescope in thy living room, dining room, or bedroom, lest thou be sleeping with it full time.
  11. Verily, observe not through thy neighbor's Astro-Physics or Takahashi, lest thee be utterly consumed by the lust of apo-fever, and thy brain and thy bank account shall shrivel and wither like branches in a flame.
  12. Verily, observe not through thy neighbor's Dob of Goliath, lest thee be lain bare to the fires of aperture-fever, and thy sanity, thy sacroiliac and thy life savings be crushed as ye grapes of wrath.

1 comment:

Andrew said...

Uh oh,whats the penance for breaking most of the commandments??.Please don't say perpetual cloudy skies!!.